regretful

THINGS I REGRET DOING THIS WEEK:

1- Talking

2- Blogging

3- Facebooking

4- Cleaning

5- Drinking

6- Cheering for my own name at the MTA awards… which is closely linked to #5

7- Eating

8- Sleeping

9- Watching Dexter

As you can see, this includes pretty much everything other than showering and peeing, and even those have been given serious thought. This past week has been filled with me second guessing everything i do. I’m afraid people will think i’m being too dramatic, or not dramatic enough, or too regretful, or not regretful enough, or too forgiving, or not forgiving enough. If i made attempts to salvage a relationship am i being daring and courageous, or pathetic and psycho? If i stay out of the way am i being wise and thoughtful, or cowardly and melancholytastic? If i say how i feel in public am i being sensitive and vulnerable, or crazy like that FB friend of yours whose status updates make you bipolar just by reading them? I feel like i’m constantly in a position to do/not do or say/not say something that is going to not only have a profound influence on the way other’s view me, but also make or break my life. Common sense tells me that’s ridiculous, because Lord knows i’ve done and said PLENTY of things that were ill-advised, yet i lived to tell the tale.

So, just for the record: I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING RIGHT NOW.

But i DO know that starting season 5 of Dexter while in a fragile state is not a good idea…. which is why a friend has loaned me her entire collection of the series FRIENDS.

See… i’m already regretting that i told you that.

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