full of lies

I have a handful or two of unpublished blogs lingering as saved drafts. I’ll begin a blog and then realize i just don’t have enough information to make it entertaining in any way, so i’ll save it for a rainy day in the hopes that i’ll have a new experience to pair with an old draft and, once again, the blog gods will be satisfied. But, on top everything ELSE going wrong in my life right now, i’m also left with a dozen blogs that just don’t seem applicable to my life anymore. When life changes, posting a blog with out-of-date reference, and made with former intentions, just seems like…. a lie.

And i don’t want to be a liar

…anymore.

When i was young, i would have lied about ANYTHING that would have gained me a moment in the popularity spotlight. As fate would have it, people don’t actually LIKE liars. Who knew. I was probably in my mid teens before i began to make this realization, but by that point i’m sure many people had discovered how desperate i was for approval. LIES I REMEMBER TELLING IN THE 80’s:

  • I know that cute guy in the Carowinds commercial
  • Somebody wants me to sing in their band
  • That year i was away, i went to catholic school
  • I can’t participate in today’s debate. I have strep throat.
  • But, Mrs Smith, i only kicked Jason because he made fun of my retarded brother!

In truth, i don’t remember exactly why i kicked Jason… but that kid was a dick. Let’s face it. He needed that spanking it earned him.

I was an adult before i began to realize when OTHERS were lying to ME… or maybe i was just lucky and no one told me lies in my youth simply because no one wanted MY approval. Either way, i did not take kindly to the tables turning. LIES I REMEMBER BEING TOLD:

  • Everything is going to be fine
  • No, i’m not stalking you
  • She’s just a penpal
  • Those have to be your flip flops under the end of my bed! No other girl has been in my bedroom!
  • Those suspenders are flattering

Lies suck.

And so do suspenders on big girls.

I once kept a blog that would receive several hundred hits a day, which i found impressive considering this was long before the days of pimping your stuff out to Facebook friends, but there were a lot of lies. I’d take funny situations from my workday and fabricate details to create a story worth reading ….but those lies weren’t the problem. The problem was that, over time and in an age of great bitterness, i donned my white hat and trashed everyone wearing even a shade of gray. I had created a blameless version of myself and used the blog as an outlet to convince myself that everyone was mean, terrible, and out to destroy me. Now, that’s not to say i won’t throw a few zingers in this blog, because i’m sure i will. In fact, i’m thinking of some right now. But i promise to try and “keep it real”, as the kids say these days.

I’m always debating the number of acceptable blog entries in any given time. Is daily too often? What if i have 2 subject in one day to conquer? Will i be chastised for my narcissistic purge? Is this whole blog thing unhealthy? Yesterday someone sent me this:

“Keep writing please. Your blogs make me feel less alone in this world.”

Me too. So i think i’ll keep it up.

 

 

 

 

 

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One response

  1. It’s your blog, lady. Write as many as you want or need.

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