It’s now been a month since “the great divorce”. As part of the settlement inside my head, he took everything showtune oriented with him. If i see another episode of GLEE, i might puke. It’s a guilty pleasure i’m willing to give up to help me break away. I also gave up every comedy oriented Pandora station… except Flight of the Conchords. They are mine. I will fight anyone to the death who says otherwise.
But the truth is that i sincerely miss the boy. And it sucks. It’s not that i miss having an amazing boyfriend, because he wasn’t. He didn’t do any of the romantic boyfriend things i’ve experienced in the past, like open car doors or tell me i look pretty, but honestly i never know how to respond to that type of behavior anyway. I just miss having a friend who was comfortable enough to just sit and do nothing with me.
Maybe there was too much of that.
Eh. Wise up, Carrie. It could have ended much worse. Much much worse. Much much MUCH worse. I do hurt. But i can’t quite pinpoint where. It might be my heart, but i suspect my pride and dignity are where the bruises will stick around. I’ve been blogging more lately, because, let’s face it, i’m a loser (insert forehead “L”). I’ve been blogging because i don’t feel the need to drown my Facebook friends in my therapy of endless self-loathing and passive aggressive purging… but i’d like to make it available to those who have nothing better to do with their time. It’s the least i can do.
In an effort to redefine my life for the better, i’ve been thinking lately about small things that inspire me.
Here are a few of those things:
-PINTEREST. I know, i know. I’m lame. But just taking a moment to think about the things you wish for, hope to accomplish, and find beautiful is so inspiring to me. Of course, i currently have too many Pinterest friends who are getting married and having babies, so i occassionally make a sour face and then redirect my search to home decor, but it’s worth it.
-DONALD MILLER is an author who focuses on Christian spirituality. Now, i’m no avid reader, but i’ve tasted my fair share of Christian literature in my lifetime and most of it has done little for me, but there is so much about Don that i understand.
“Writers don’t make any money at all. We make about a dollar. It is terrible. But then again we don’t work either. We sit around in our underwear until noon then go downstairs and make coffee, fry some eggs, read the paper, read part of a book, smell the book, wonder if perhaps we ourselves should work on our book, smell the book again, throw the book across the room because we are quite jealous that any other person wrote a book, feel terribly guilty about throwing the schmuck’s book across the room because we secretly wonder if God in heaven noticed our evil jealousy, or worse, our laziness. We then lie across the couch facedown and mumble to God to forgive us because we are secretly afraid He is going to dry up all our words because we envied another man’s stupid words. And for this, as I said, we are paid a dollar.”
He openly writes about how awkward and intoverted he is and i love that. In a time when so many Christian authors come from planet LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME, it’s nice to see someone laid back. You can check out his blog at donmilleris.com, but he hasn’t been writing new stuff on there recently. There’s been a lot of guest writers. The recent guest post on revenge was actually pretty good. My favorite of his books is Searching For God Knows What. In fact, i may give that one another read this week while i’m ofinding inspiration in the real world.
-DAVID WILCOX is a singer-songwriter and storyteller who calls Asheville home. He’s deep. And funny. And smart. He’s also an incredible guitar player.
I’ll share some more about these things and other inspirations later, but right now i have a day to tackle and i can’t spend it laying in bed on my laptop while watching man-hating Lifetime movies, because that’s just pathetic…. plus, i already did that yesterday.