not 38

My hotmail account hates me. I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. Every time i try to log on, it tells me that i’ve tried too many times and that i’ve been locked out for security reasons…. even though it’s my first try. If you’ve been trying to log onto my email for access to my financial records and intimate secrets, just let me know and i’ll be happy to share my password. However, i assure you that you will be greatly disappointed. After much ado, hotmail agrees to let me log on IF i will play it’s little mind games. I can see my email IF i will identify that irritatingly warped text. This was the text i JUST GOT:

SCREW YOU, HOTMAIL! I am turning THIRTY-SIX tomorrow, NOT THIRTY- EIGHT. I do NOT appreciate your sense of humor. Not at all.

I looked up “eetiter” just in case it was another jab. Perhaps a Swedish jab. I didn’t find anything. Except….. if you spell it backwards, it’s “retitee”. It doesn’t sound like much until google autocorrected it:

Dear Hotmail,

We had some good years together. You’ve been there for every registration i’ve ever had. You have delivered the good, the bad, and the porn. You stuck with me through it all. You’ve seen the flirtatious photos, the tearful breakups, and the psychotic threats. But i fear our time has come. It’s not you. It’s me. I want more from my email. I have to admit that i cheated on you with gmail. It was nothing serious and was completely a visual attraction, but this isn’t about that. This is about you not letting me in. And then displaying messages that are clearly intended to make me feel… “less than”. In all honesty, it’s better this way.

I’m just lucky i got away virus free.



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