You know that point in a break up where you know the other person well enough to know that they’ve moved on and you want to be ready to accept that? But it’s cold and rainy and you just found a pair of his underwear stuffed under the washing machine and you suddenly feel like that’s a sign that he’ll be back for them? Like, those worn, holey underwear are worth a drive back to save? And it becomes obvious that, only for the next few moments, you’d do just about anything you could to fix it? And, suddenly, the fact that you’ve spent the past week really coming to terms with the fact that he had never stopped being a bit of a creeper is just swept away in the rain? And everything you say is interrogative?
Yep. Welcome to my day.
I was just talking with someone about DENIAL. I have a lot of that. I will not truly mourn this lost relationship until January (Though that will not stop me from bitching about it in nearly every blog entry). The first week of January was when he would have been heading back home. I had been trying to plan a quickie vacation… I had already started working on his Christmas present… I had all these ideas about how to be a better girlfriend… but you know what makes me an awesome ex-girlfriend??? The fact that i had the opportunity a couple of weeks ago to go ballistic… but didn’t. LAST TIME i went through i break up, i would have drowned puppies if i thought it would have hurt him ( <—Sarah McLauchlan is totally going to hunt me down for that), so at least i know i’ve grown up. I mean, i THOUGHT of a lot of horrible things to do, but the fact that there is not a hatchet lodged in the side of his external hard drive is a sign that i’m really all bark and no bite. To be honest, it’s not even a bark, but more of a whimper, and maybe an occasional growl, soon to be followed by peeing on the living room rug. (No harm in trying to win Sarah back over with some dog-friendly analogies)
The good news is that, outside of cyber realities and the periodic outbursts, i’m actually doing pretty good in life. I’ve made some changes that have me feeling healthier than i have in a long time. I’m about to change things up by abandoning my red locks and going dark and smoldering for a bit. I’m also, though dragged every step of the way, going to have a presence on stage in the next Actor’s Theatre production. I know it will be fun. Plus, after just a couple of weeks, i’ve really been getting into this whole “learning guitar” thing. I even have some awesomely gross calluses to prove it. Don’t get me wrong, i’m no Esteban… or any OTHER late night infomercial star. …Well, except maybe the Xpress Countertop Grill lady:
This COULD theoretically be me. In fact, i doubt any of you have ever seen the two of us in the same place at the same time. Even if you have, it could be perfectly plausible that, in 20 years, i invent time travel for the sole purpose of creating a monopoly on late night television infomercials just so i can make millions and be considered an amazing catch. An amazing catch WITH AN XPRESS COUNTERTOP GRILL. Because, let’s be honest, you want one.
Where was i?????????? oh yes, HERE: