UN

 

UNsure.

UNcertain.

UNclear.

UNdecided.

UNconfident.

UNstable.  …er… what i mean to say is this: I’m confused about what to do with my life right now.

My tendencies in life are based on the scientific theory of inertia. I tend to keep on doing what i’m already doing. I sit back and wait for something to happen that forces me onto a new path. Now, with as lazy as that may sound, i think it’s worked out pretty good in many respects… but maybe that portion of my life is over. Maybe it’s time for me to take charge. *sigh* Life was so much easier when Charles was in charge.

I’m not UNhappy here in Charlotte or UNhappy in my job, but, even though i’m not sure what i thought might happen, i felt like i was on a path that could lead elsewhere… at least for a while. I liked that possibility.

But now i feel as though i have 2 options:

1- Hit the road. Load up everything. Quit my job. Find a new city. Start a new life.

2- Buy a house. Learn to knit my own cardigans. Start a home for wayward cats.

But, unfortunately, i feel the choices more closely resemble…

I really don’t feel as though i have enough patience to take the cardigan route, plus i’m a teeny bit allergic to cats. That leaves me no option. I obviously must hit the open road with my soul as my guide. Well….. my soul AND Google maps. Hmmmm, maybe  should just sit still for a while and think things through. LAST TIME i headed out to a new town, it didn’t go so well. My 2 years in Nashville were the roughest years of my relatively easy life. There was much confusion, much pain, and much cursing.

Although, in the recent wake of tossing out reminders of the past year and a half, i have definitely cursed more inanimate objects than i ever have before…

FUCK YOU, TYLENOL PM
FUCK YOU, DOLLAR TREE COLOGNE
FUCK YOU, GUM…. oh wait… what flavor is this? i could go for a piece of…. aaaaaARGH! FUCK YOU, WINTERGREEN!
Once the words explode from my mouth (phonetically closer to F’KEW), i let out an exasperated HUFF, and then i laugh. Angry obscenities are always a little bit odd rolling off of my tongue. I think it comes from all of those years exclaiming “Golly-gee-peter-zams”.  Yes. I’m serious. That is my obscenity of choice. If you don’t like it, F’KEW.

So…. what now? How do i make the most of these changes without jumping into a life choice i’ll regret?

Recently, i saw this quote:

“I’m done complaining. I’m evolving.”

What a great thought! I CAN EVOLVE! I’m not just learning to DEAL with the change. I’m EVOLVING to the new world. So inspiring! So empowering!  ….but no, i’m not done complaining. I have a lot of complaining left. Complaints flow out of me like… bad grammar …and excessive ellipses.

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2 responses

  1. I just reread this and am reminded of just how much i hate wintergreen. F’KEW WINTERGREEN. Grosssssssss.

  2. Dallas is a nice new city. Just saying.

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