Upon receiving some news from a completely accurate and reliable Facebook application, i now know that i will probably be reincarnated as a PANDA. The good news is that i’ll be cute and have unlimited access to Chinese food. The bad news is that i won’t necessarily play well with others.
Reincarnation is an interesting idea, but most of my knowledge of it is based on Dead Again and Chances Are, so we’re not really going to talk about that. What i AM going to talk about is our fascination with NEW BEGINNINGS. Religion, philosophy, and surprise makeovers are all about a new beginning. A fresh start. A rebirth. The earliest influence of new beginnings in my own personal life was the Christian analogy of being “born again”. (Let’s not talk about how i hate religious jargon right now. We’ll save that for later.) You change your aim in life and your focus changes and it changes you and you are better off for it. In fact, this change SAVES you. That’s pretty much the suggested route of salvation in a nutshell. But i think it’s also true for a surprise makeover.
I’m one of those people who is addicted to new beginnings. I’m addicted to the idea that “X” will happen and then i will “Y” and, in conclusion, “X + Y= AWESOME NEW LIFE”. The problem with this line of thinking is that i shouldn’t wait for “X” before i “Y”. I should be able to “Y” every minute of every day. Why don’t i “Y” right now? What am i afraid of? Am i afraid that “Y” won’t be enough? What if i have to “Y” twice? What if i have to “Z”?! I DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY EQUIPEMENT TO “Z”!!! I can come up with a million excuses as to why i shouldn’t “Y” right now.
Some people are risk takers. Some people are me. I could tell you that my resolution this year is to take risks, but that would probably be a lie. I’m not sure that i have that in me, much less the ability to bring it to the surface on demand. Yesterday, when discussing a novel and it’s influence, a friend said:
“It’s all about story. What’s yours? Are YOU writing your story? Is someone else?”
These questions, in the context of discussing the novel in question, could bring about many more questions and different ideas, but i’ll tell you my gut reaction was simply an immediate “STOP WRITING MY STORY”! If this is what it comes down to, i fear i may be letting those around me write my story. The strange thing is that i won’t take my OWN risks for my OWN story, but i’ll follow you into YOURS… which, in a strange way, almost makes me the biggest risk taker of all. But also the laziest.
CARRIE: WORLD’S MOST LAZY RISK TAKER.
I’m still thinking about what i’ll be “Y”ing come this “X” of midnight, so perhaps tomorrow i’ll let you know what you can expect from me in the coming year. For now, i’ll tell you what will NOT be happening come this stroke of midnight.
MY MIDNIGHT UNRESOLUTIONS:
- I will NOT be listening to Linda Eder singing A New Life on repeat.
- I will NOT be watching Love Actually.
- I will NOT, in fact, be engaging in ANYTHING that will make me cry.
- I will NOT be thinking about that chocolate waterfall of hepatitis at Golden Corral. (Seriously, because ew.)
- I will NOT be staring at my hands and wondering how fingers this chubby can type. (Because i’m doing that now to get it out of the way)
I think that covers all the major bases. Let’s face it, there’s a fairly good chance i’ll stay in tonight, continue this Northern Exposure marathon, and be sitting here writing in this blog while contemplating my new life as a panda.