topless

I know some of you out there are Walmart haters. But i’m not. Partly because it was the highest paying retail job i ever had, and partly because i don’t have time to be a stage manager/prop master without it. Who ELSE can i visit to get 2 dozen unlubricated condoms, a bicycle helmet, and a yard of gold lamé all in ONE STOP? ….other than your mom.

In recent years, Walmart has really cashed in on the “graphic tee” craze that seems to be slowly taking over my wardrobe. I have a couple from Walmart, but i’m a big girl and very few of them have the stretch capacity that it takes to cover my bosom without cutting off all air supply. Still, i always take a look, pick them up, and attempt to guess the fit based on how far i can stretch the image across my chest before this….

Starts to look like this…

So the next step, by all intelligent standards, would be to seek out larger size options. However, when you’re thin, you’re allowed to be Wonder Woman, but when you’re fat, there is a very distinct expectation. Here is a collection of photographic evident that i compiled mere weeks ago to show you all the ONLY graphic tee options for fat girls:

EXHIBIT A (for ANGERED):

EXHIBIT B (for BITCHY):

EXHIBIT C (for CANTANKEROUS):

EXHIBIT D (for DERANGED):

There seems to be a rather unflattering theme here. I moved on to another department in the hopes of having better luck. Sure, these fashions might be more mature and less bold and maybe they make me look less youthful and daring…. but perhaps there is a chance to expand my emotional horizons!

Nope.

So i went with the best possible option:

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