available: Part 1

A few months back, i bit the proverbial bullet. I joined a dating site. I had successfully avoided the plague of online dating for nearly 2 decades, but i finally threw in the towel.

It’s not as though i judge those who find love in cyberspace. I have several friends who have found a suitable mate online. And not ONE of them turned out to be a serial killer… yet. It’s just that the entire concept of dating is strange to me. I’ve only dated men with whom i’ve built a friendship. Theoretically, that seems like the best option. That way you already have an idea of what baggage they’re bringing into the relationship. You know MY baggage. I know YOUR baggage. I already know you’ve been a total dick to your past girlfriends, so it’s safe to say that i’m not going in with too many expectations.

I’ve heard that many women have unreasonable expectations due to Disney…

But, in real life, no one would date these guys. Snow White’s prince wears more lipstick than she does. Prince Charming is definitely on his way to forming a pretty solid foot fetish. Aladdin is just a con man with nice abs. Tarzan more than likely flings his own poop. And i know for a fact that Peter Pan just sits around playing Halo all day. …But Roger Radcliffe? Yeah, i’d totally do Roger Radcliffe.

And i guess i’m not the only one…

I can’t imagine having the baggage that most single people my age carry around. With only 3 relationships in my past, i may have baggage… but it’s more of an Eastpack and less of a Samsonite with a gorilla on top. Even having been lied to and cheated on in the past, i can usually get by with just a carry on. How can i guarantee finding a match who hasn’t already been scarred beyond repair?

The first step in online dating seems to be narrowing down your search by letting everyone know what you’re looking for in a partner. That sounds simple enough, but, in trying to be honest, i start questioning my own preferences. Show me a guy who wants to get married and has a good job — it’s like snoozeville for me. But if you know a 35-year-old who lives at home with his mom and still thinks his band can make it — tell me where to meet him so I can BUY HIM DINNER.

Perhaps i shouldn’t rely on my own instincts. I figured a bigger net catches more fish, so i shouldn’t even limit myself. Let’s see who’s interested in carrie!


I’m actually impressed that he’s been ‘active within 24 hours’, because being active at 74 takes some dedication. But his username leaves me wondering if he’s a retired Navy, or if i should expect a lot of performance fleece.



I think it’s pretty obvious that 1937 was a good year for me, but… again… the username…



OMGZ. This guy is an 81% match. And he’s in high school.



OK. So. There is obviously some overcompensation going on here. He’s a kid too, but at least he’s a college freshman… majoring in fashion merchandising?? I give him 1 year to figure this out.

I think it’s time to narrow down the search a little bit. How about 25-50? Still a huge net, but fewer chances of acne and pacemakers.


Here’s the message he sent me:

“I see you like vintage things and pin-up girls. Me too. 😉 I would love to take you bra shopping sometime.”

STOP. Really?! I’d like to say that i blocked him immediately… but given the price of lingerie these days, i spent a good 7.3 seconds considering the offer.


I’ll try to keep you updated on this process. Because what good is online dating if i can’t get a few good jokes out of it? If i’m lucky, i’ll get a few friends too. I tend to do well in the sphere of social networking. I apparently come across as very approachable and easy-going, but i’ll try to put less emphasis on the ‘easy’.

I’ve always poo-pooed the idea of soul mates. I believe having a successful relationship is less about who you FIND and more about who you ARE. It relies on accepting who you are, what you want, knowing you’ll have to make sacrifices, and being ok with that. It relies on knowing that you will continue to fall in love with people for the rest of your life, but that you’re willing to give up all of those possible relationships for a chance at THIS ONE.

Then i ran across this:

I can get behind that idea of a soul mate. It sounds a little frightening, but i suppose all great things are.


3 responses

  1. Carrie, this is awesome! And hilarious. I think it needs to go viral right now. I have to say that Joker444u makes me a little sick to my stomach, and the Elizabeth Gilbert quote if perfectly perfect. Here’s hoping you find your Roger Radcliffe soon. Oh… and you might consider looking in Geekdom for your man. You know, Sci-Fi conventions and the like (or hanging out at the school of IT at some graduate school). The Charlotte Geek Gala is on Oct 27th, and Stan and I will be there if you need a Geek Guide. If you can stand the Geek life, you’ll find it full of really smart, kind, friendly, good men (with no theatre drama). Just sayin’. 🙂

    1. Thanks 🙂 As a matter of fact, i AM going to the Geek Gala, so i will see you there!

      1. Yay!

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