I’m sure we can collectively come up with a great number of reasons why it sucks to be a woman. These reasons would include misogyny
and bleeding from the crotch. But here are the
TOP 10 REASONS I ❤ BEING A WOMAN
1- Excused Drunkeness
When a woman gets drunk, people will usually put up with her shit. Many are like me and turn into fun-loving extroverts with oral fixations. “Is that a cigarette?? I wont one.” (For those who have never heard me say the word “want”, i can assure you that “wont” is phonetically correct.) Even those who turn belligerent are usually a source of entertainment that simply need to be ushered home by a friend. When a MAN is roaming around drunk, somebody calls the cops. And that somebody is usually me.
2- Work-Free Wine
Men will bring you your drink. I have no problem with paying for my drinks… but i’ll be damned if i’m going to elbow my way to that bar.
(Please note the lack of shame i feel from illegally commandeering this pic)
It’s a fact. Women, as a whole, have better communication skills than men. Not only through use of vocabulary, but also in the sense that we are able to communicate our ideas and feelings in a way that is less likely to make others feel threatened or intimidated. I’m pretty good at that, but there are, of course, those who i poke with a stick.
4- Vintage Vixens
I can decorate my bathroom with half naked vintage pinup girls and it’s cute. When a MAN decorates his bathroom with half naked women, it’s a little creepy. And it’s tough ENOUGH to get a man out of toilet when the decor is rubber duckies and seashells.
5- Less Toilet Trauma
(i decided to spare you an image for this one)
I have this friend. Let’s call him BOB. BOB was visiting at a new beau’s house. …oh, BOB is gay. It has nothing to do with the story, but i didn’t want to confuse you with that “beau” comment. Not that i’m calling you homophobic, but if the slingback sandal fits… Anyhow, BOB is hanging out with this guy and his friends. BOB goes to the restroom to pee. Standing there over the toilet, BOB realizes that he feels a little gassy. Now, at the risk of already telling you too much about BOB’s gastrointestinal urges, i have to continue. BOB expelled what he assumed would be a fart (ugh. i HATE the word “fart”). BOB was wrong. The rest of story gets interesting as BOB tries to hide his soiled underwear in hopes no one finds them. The possibility of this delima had never occurred to me. As a woman, i don’t feel i have to make any decision before entering the restroom. Either way, i’m always over the toilet. Whatever happens, happens.
6- Chest Champion
Sure, a man can win a game of chess if they know how to play, but can they win a game of chess simply by removing their shirt? I bet not.
7- Cathartic Crying
I wouldn’t say i’m a huge crier, but i can certain get misty a lot. Of course, there are some scenes that cause a flood of waterworks. I wrote about those a few entries back, but i’m too lazy to link it. And it’s true that a man can cry at a movie… sometimes. He can cry when a lovable character dies that sparks personal loss and he can sure as hell cry when he watches Fox and the Hound. But if he tears up in a horror movie or a movie inspired by a Nicholas Sparks novel…. then we should probably just be friends.
I’m not talking about evil manipulation or anything from Fatal Attraction, but simply the kind that can end a fight. You want to know how to end a fight?
This pickle jar is merely symbolic, however, it’s legit. Ask a man to do something for you that, even if it’s silly and trivial, makes them feel powerful. Men have a great urge to feel needed. I’m good at making people feel needed. Making them feel WANTED???…. well, i’m working on that…
(Before we move on, please take a moment to revel in my original artwork.)
As a woman, it’s possible to be strong and powerful and frail and helpless all in the same day. And not only is it acceptable, but it’s part of what creates the well-rounded and empathetic soul of a woman.
10- Amazing Aprons