We’re not supposed to say we’re sorry anymore.
Women are to use the word “sorry” cautiously, rather than graciously.
Fluid apologies put women in a subservient position and makes people lose respect for their strength. Leaders and CEOs don’t say “sorry”. They use silence to stand their ground. They use it as… well… i don’t want to use the word intimidation, but… intimidation. They refuse to fill the void with words that lessen their resolve.
I can’t say that i completely agree with this movement.
You see, i’ve never been one to think that being subservient is a loss of power. I’m quite sure that it’s a side effect of a Southern Baptist upbringing. After all, the meek DO inherit the earth.
But not everyone feels strength when taking a blame and women ARE known for using qualifiers and fillers that lessen the strength of their words.
“I’m SORRY, but…”
“It’s JUST that…”
I’ve been tracking all the times I make unnecessary apologies for myself. There’s often a fine line between an apology and an excuse.
And, really, there’s no need for that. It’s like the auditionee who walks into the room and says, “I just found out about this audition, so i didn’t have much time to prepare and i’ve had a cold this week and…” and everyone immediately forms an unflattering opinion.
I’ll always be someone who throws out some self-deprecating humor when the moment seems appropriate, but i’ve realized that i have developed some “old standards” to help soften the blow of my appearance.
Let me say that again:
Sad, right?! The fact that i feel my appearance is, all by itself, something that warrants a warning and apology. Recently, when faced with the possibility of meeting a gentleman (ahem) from an online dating endeavor, i say that same thing every time:
So far, i think it’s really helped make that first meeting less frightening for me. Both times. (yep. I’m really celebrating the wild life now, huh?)
Of course… now that i’ve publicly revealed my smooth move, i can no longer use it. I’ll be forced to either create another apt metaphor or …. or…. stop.
Stop making excuses and apologies for who i am. Learn to make apologies ONLY when an infraction has been made. Like when i’m late for no good reason, or when a visitor has no place to sit because my sofa is covered in laundry, or when my boss has to tip-toe through the room because i have created a landmine of hot glue and foam…. OK, OK so i’ll still be offering apologies on a daily basis! But perhaps I can become more aware of the times an apology is unnecessary and the times when my self-deprecation is more than a simple joke.
But when you see me being out of line, don’t bother calling me out on it.
I’ll only apologize.